the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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