Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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