do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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