I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
