and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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