U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
