He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
