my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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