wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Even my vagina gasped.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
