It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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