Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
