Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
