It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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