True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
