It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
