Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
