Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
