he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
