I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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