I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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