when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
