fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
