I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
