he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love you. Go after that dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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