They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
