he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
