watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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