I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
