I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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