if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
