hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
