I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
