While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
