We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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