piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
