his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
