Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
