I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
