he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
