im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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