D3 body, D1 cock
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
