yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dick very happy bro
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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