so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my sisters under your porch take her home
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just want to make out with him forever
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
