she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
