i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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