i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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