Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
