you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
