I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
