I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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