did you get engaged???
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
