Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
