So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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