So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
