She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
