you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
