Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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