So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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