did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
