I understand Curling. That high.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
