In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
