She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
