you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
