If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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