i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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