Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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