So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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