Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
