i need an iv and a liver transplant
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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