i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
