last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
