So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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